The Gift Wrap and the Jewel

 Here is a poem written by 92 year-old Wanta Guiness:

I looked in the mirror and what did I see

But a little old lady peering back at me,

With bags and sags and wrinkles and wispy white hair,

And I asked my reflection,

"How did you get there?

You once were straight and vigorous and now you're stooped and weak

When I tried so hard to keep you from becoming an antique."

My reflection's eyes twinkled as she solemnly replied,

"You're looking at the gift wrap and not the jewel inside,

A living gem and precious, of unimagined worth,

Unique and true, the real you, the only you on earth.

The years that spoil your gift-wrap with other things more cruel,

Should purify and strengthen and polish up that jewel,

So focus your attention on the inside, not the out,

On being kinder, wiser, more content and more devout.

Then when your gift-wrap's stripped away,

Your jewel will be set free

To radiate God's glory throughout eternity."

Children's Answers to Test

Elementary school children in a religious school were given a test on the Bible.  Below are some of their answers just as they appeared on their test papers:

In the first boo of the bible, guinessis, God got tired of creating the world so he took the Sabbath off.

Adam andEve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was Joan of Ark.  Noah built an ark and the animals came on in pears.

Lot's wife was a pillar of salt during the day but ball of fire during the night.

The Jews were a proud people and throughout hisotry they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals.

Sampson was s strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delila.

Sampson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.

Moses led the Jews to the red sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.

The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.  Afterward Moses went up to Mount Cynanide to get the Ten Commandments.

The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.

The greatest miracle in the bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar.  He fought the Finkeleteins, a race of people who lived in biblical times.

Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.

Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

St. John the Blacksmith, dumped water on his head.

Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do unto other before they do one to you.  He also explained the man does not live by sweat alone.

It was a miracle when Jesus arose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

The people who followed the Lord was called the 12 decibels.

The epistels were the wives of the apostles.

One of the oppossums was St. Mathew, who was also a taximan.

St. Paul cavorted to Christianity.  He preached holy acrimony which is another name of marriage.

Christians have only one spouse.  This is called monotony.
 

Questions to consider

 My flash nonfiction class last week opened with 3 questions for each of us to answer.  How would you answer them?

          What was one thing that made you joyful this week?

          What was one thing you are grateful for?

          What is one question you keep asking yourself?

Books of June and July

 The Cellist.  Daniel Silva's latest book featuring Gabriel Allon, Israeli spy/art restorer.  He spends a lot of time updating the reader just in cast it's your first book in the 21 book series.  A typical Allon book.  I keep saying I've read enough but I usually grab the newest one.  I give this one a B

Forgotten Peoples of the Ancient World. Nonfiction book with stories about ancient peoples.  You'd have to be interested in ancient history to order this one, but I am and I enjoyed it.

The Other Black Girl.  This one gets an F.  It got great reviews but made no sense.  My recommendation:  Don't waste your time.

Hour of the Witch.  An abused young woman in an early Massachusetts community (not Salem) wants a divorce.  Meanwhile, having been given some three-tined forks, a mark of the Devil, she's accused of being a wtich.

Fossil Men.  In-depth book about the archaeologists searching for early homo sapiens.  You can tell I have unusual tastes in non-fiction, but I really liked it.

A Surprise Package

I love surprises--surprise parties, surprise gifts, even surprise phone calls.  Last week I got a surprise package from Amazon.  I'd ordered some board books for my friend to enjoy with her new great grandbaby.  They were supposed to be delivered on Thursday, which was great because she was coming for lunch on Friday.  I found the package at my door at 10:30 Thursday night.  It seemed too light to contain board books.  Maybe Amazon had sent paperbacks instead but at least they were on time.  Pleased, I opened the bag to find...two packages of Preparation H!  There was no name or address on the bag,  The concierge desk said they didn't know who had delivered it.   Was this a joke?  Should I tack the package up on the bulletin board or post a message saying the person who ordered Preparation H should contact me?  The next morning I called our resident services director and told her I had a problem.  When I opened my door to head downstairs, there were my books.  Still, I took the Preparation H package downstairs.  Just as I arrived at the desk,  a woman who works in Health Care came up.  Yes, she was sure they could use it, so we gave the package to her.  And--happy ending--my friend can share the books with the new baby.