The Five Ways We Grieve: Finding Your Personal Path to Healing after the Loss of a Loved One by Susan A. Berger, Trumpeter Books, 2009
I’ve probably read most of the grief books out there. This was the most inspiring, most comprehensive one I’ve found. So many books give you pat advice: It’s okay to cry; Rely on a support group; Give yourself time: Blah, blah, blah. This book is different.
Susan Berger acknowledges that grief is complex, that a loss means your life will never be the same, that grieving isn’t “over” in a year or two but may last a lifetime in some form or another. She identifies five ways in which people respond to loss.
1.Nomads, who have not resolved their grief;
2.Memorialists, who work to preserve the memory of the person who died;
3.Normalizers, who attempt to re-create a sense of family, community, or previous lifestyle;
4.Activists, who work at helping others facing similar diseases or issues that caused the death of the loved one;
5.Seekers, who create meaning through religious, spiritual, or philosophical beliefs.
For each of these identity types, she discusses strengths and weaknesses as well as ideas to consider.
Which type you become depends on your sense of your own mortality, your sense of time and orientation to time, your values and priorities, and your relationship to the world. She says, “I believe that, after experiencing the death of a loved one, our ideas and perceptions about these complex concepts change. As a result, we form a new identity, a revised sense of self, that contributes to how we see the world and live our lives.”
This book is deep, thought-provoking, and optimistic. It’s well worth reading, reflecting upon, and reading again.
Susan Berger's website: http//www.drsusanberger.com
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