July Reading

Day After Night by Anita Diamant. The author of the bestselling The Red Tent tells the story of four young girls in an internment camp in Palestine (before the establishment of the State of Israel). Survivors of World War II, these young women wait behind barbed wire to be repatriated to Palestine by the British. Based the true story of the escape from such a camp, the book tells about their lives and memories. I'd give it a B.


The Lovely Bones by Alice Seybold. I'd always intended to read this bestseller and I finally got around to it. I'm glad I did. The intriguing story of a teenage girl who was raped and killed and her "afterlife" in heaven as she views her family, friends and killer. It's was one of those books that keep you reading long after bedtime. Grade: A.

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Little Brother by Cory Doctorow. I read this one for my book club. The story of a teenage hacker who is mistakenly imprisoned after a terrorist attack on San Francisco and his attempt after his release to use his computer skills to bring down the Depaertment of Homeland Security. I liked it but probably would have liked it better if I were geekier. Grade: B.



The Truth About Grief: The Myth of its Five Stages and the New Science of Loss by Ruth Davis Konigsberg. I read all the books I find on grief and widowhood. This one was different and provocative. Refuting the commonly accepted Five Stages of Grief, Konigsberg rightly points out that Kubler-Ross originally intended these to be the stages of coming to terms with one's own death. Eventually extended to the stages of dealing with the loss of a loved one, Kubler-Ross's theory spawned a huge grief "industry." While contemporary experts believe the "stages" theory doesn't apply to everyone, or in fact to very many people, Konigsberg spends more of the book on a vitriolic attack against Kubler-Ross and the experts who followed her than she does explaining the newer theories. She does, however, suggest that most people manage grief more easily and quickly than Kubler-Ross and her followers would say, that few people profit from grief groups or grief counseling, and that many become needlessly guilt-ridden if they don't feel they move the five stages "correctly." I'd give this book an A because it certainly stimulates needed discussion about the management of grief.

Only one more month left for summer reading. What books do you suggest?

My Summer Reads

Thought I'd share some of the books I've read this summer. Some are books I'd never have chosen on my own but were selections from my book discussion group. Some are non-fiction. I usually read one fiction and one non-fiction book at the same time. So this list is, to say the least, eclectic:

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, The Girl Who Played with Fire, and The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest by Larsson. The writing can be clunky, but in each one the plot is riveting. I could not put them down. Suggestion: See the Swedish movie versions. The girl who plays Lisbeth Salander is perfect.


Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins: A Young Adult book that takes place in a post-apocalyptic world in which 2 teenagers from each district must compete until all but one are dead. Yes, it sounds gross, but it was great, with a gutsy heroine. I'm looking forward to reading the second and third books in the trilogy.

The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albon. From my book club. Waaay too syrupy for me.

Kidnapped by Robert Louis Stevenson. Also from my book club. Okay.

Quarantine by Jim Crace. Another book club selection. An off-beat view of 5 pilgrims, Jesus among them, who go into the desert to spend 40 days and 40 nights.

The Holy Sinner by Thomas Mann, based on a legend about Pope Gregory. If any story can out-Oedipus Oedipus, this is it.

Replay by Ken Grimwood. One of my favorite books ever. What if you could relive your life, knowing what lies ahead? Makes you think, but it's not just a philosophical view of life. It's great reading.

Percy Jackson: The Lightning Thief. It's on my granddaughter's summer reading list. I'm reading it, too, so we can have a book discussion dinner.

Hardcourt Confidential by Patrick McEnroe, known best for being John's younger brother. A not-too-interesting look at men's tennis. For a much more interesting view, read Open by Andre Agassi.

Final Exam by Pauline Chen. A doctor's musings about dealing with death and the dying. Wonderful.

Heaven by Lisa Miller. Various takes on Heaven. Of course she hasn't been there...

Rapt by Winifred Gallagher. How our attention shapes our lives.

The Resiliency Advantage by Al Siebert. Slanted toward business situations but has some good pointers for everyone.

"You Always Have Your Nose in a Book" My Mother

Yes, that's what my mother always said, and since "Mother is always right," another of her favorite sayings, it was true. I loved reading and still do. So I thought I'd share some books I've recently read, some I'm reading now (I usually read more than one at a time) and some on my To Be Read pile.

Recently read:
Fool by Christopher Moore, a parody of King Lear told from the Fool's point of view. I read this for a book club and was probably the only person in the group who didn't absolutely love it. Still, the author gets points for turning the most tragic of Shakespeare's plays into a comedy.

A New Theology: Turning to Poetry in a Time of Grief by Sheila Bender. Written after the accidental death of her son, the book includes poems she wrote to help her manage her grief. Sheila is not only a gifted writer, but a wonderful teacher as well. I've taken her personal essay courses on-line at Writing It Real.

American Wife by Curtis Sittenfield A novel based on the life of Laura Bush. Compelling read, but I think it was mean-spirited of the author to write such a transparent book on the life of the former First Lady. I admit I couldn't put it down. She nailed all the Bushes.

A Reliable Wife by Robert Goodrick Gothic tale about a lonely, wealthy man who advertises for a wife and what happens to them. Ponderous but interesting. I'd give it a B minus.


What I'm Reading Now (or have just finished)

Uncommon Wisdom John Castaldo and Laurence Levitt Short anecdoes by two neurologists about their interactions with patients. A beautiful book that shows the human side of medicine, which in sadly lacking in some doctors.

Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll I'm reading this for my book club but I almost know it by heart. I bought a copy of The Annotated Alice, which I've meant to do for a long time. One of my favorite books of all time.

The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson Also for my book club. Started it early and am reading a little at a time because it's 600 pages. I really like it so far.

The Resilience Factor by Karen Reivich and Andre Shatte. After reading most of this, I've decided I'm a very resilient person.

My TBR pile

The Help by Kathryn Stockett This comes highly recommended from numerous friends.

You Only Die Once by Margie Jenkins. She's a psychotherapist in Houston, and I heard her speak about preparing for death but living "bodaceously" in the meantime. Since I attend a Death, Dying and Dessert group that talks about issues related to aging and dying, this is a book I really want to read.

I Will Not Die an Unlived Life by Dawna Markova. Another book for my DDD group.

House Rules by Jodi Picoult. The child in the story has Aspergers and since about 10to 20% of the kids on my caseload at any given time fall on the autistic spectrum, I'm very anxious to read this book. Besides, I like Picoult's writing.

Comments or recommendations anyone?

Books Can Change Your Life

Reading has always been a major part of my life. When I was small, my mother read to me. Once I learned to read, I devoured books. I loved the library--the smell of books, the quiet rooms, the sound of my shoes on the tile floors. Alice, Tom Sawyer, the March sisters were as much my friends as the kids I played with at school and in the neighborhood.

Recently I saw a discussion on Amazon titled Books That Changed My Life. I can think of three.

The first is a Silhoueete Romance I picked up at a discount store. I can't even remember the name of it, but it hooked me on romance novels. So it wasn't surprising that I noticed an article in the Houston paper about Romance Writers of America, an organization that was having its first national conference here in Houston. The article talked about the women who wrote the books I'd been reading, and I thought, "I could do that." But that was just a thought.

Another book changed that thought into reality. While I was waiting to get my hair cut one day, I read an excerpt in Good Housekeeping of a book called Wishcraft: How to Get What You Really Want. I'm not much for how-to books but this one intrigued me. I bought the book, and I was on my way to getting what I wanted--becoming a published romance author.

The third book, When Bad Things Happen to Good People, changed the way I looked at tragedies and disappointments. It got me through some of the worst days of my life, and I often re-read it when I need a reminder that sorrows are as much a part of life as happiness.

What about you? Has a book changed your life?

Book Therapy for Widows: 2

At this time of the year it's comforting to have a book whose author understands what you've faced. Here are some of my favorites:

Healing After Loss by Martha Hickman, Collins Living, 1994. A colleague sent me this soon after Ralph died. That was one of the nicest things anyone did for me. Daily meditations on loss, short enough to read in a couple of minutes.

Companion Through the Darkness by Stephanie Ericsson, Harper Paperbacks, 1993. Lyrical musings about widowhood.

When Bad Things Happen to Good People by Rabbi Harold Kushner, Anchor, 2004. A classic. You don't have to be Jewish to learn from this book.

Kitchen Table Wisdom by Rachel Naomi Remen, Riverbend Trade Books, 2001. An inspirational book, not just for widows. One of my very favorite books.

Book Therapy for Widows

I'm a big believer in bibliotherapy. Reading about other women facing widowhood has reminded me I'm not alone, touched my heart, given me ideas for dealing with my new life, made me cry and sometimes made me laugh.

Here are some books about the widowhood experience. You can find them online at www.amazon.com or www.barnesandnoble.com.

Epilogue: A Memoir by Anne Roiphe
My favorite book on widowshood. We first see Roiphe standing frozen at the front door of her apartment. She has left the door unlocked. Whenever they returned from an evening out, her husband, now gone, opened the door with his key. She isn't sure she can make the key work, hence the unlocked door. She sounds wimpy, doesn't she, but we can all relate to the feeling of helplessness early in our widowhood. The book relates her first year alone, her sometimes hilarious attempts at dating, her uncertainty, confusion and finally strength.

It Must Have Been Moonglow by Phyllis Greene
An engaging read about early widowhood. I loved the chapter entitled "Lefty Loosey, Righty Tighty." It was so Me.

What Remains, A Memoir of Fate, Friendship and Love by Carole Radziwill
Married to Lee Radziwill's son, friend of John Kennedy, Junior and his wife Caroline, Carole Radziwill recounts the loss of her husband to cancer three weeks after the young Kennedys died in a plane crash. Born to a working-class family, she lives a Cinderella story, becoming a television producer at ABC. Her handsome prince is stricken with cancer, her best friends die, and she is left to make sense of what remains. Not the ordinary, middle-class widow's tale, but a fascinating one nonetheless.

Dancing in My Nightgown: The Rhythms of Widowhood by Betty Auchard
Beginning with her husband's death, takes us through her early widowhood and into the world of dating.

The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion
As soon as it was released, this book became an instant bestseller and many see it as the classic on widowhood. I personally didn't like it. I found Didion cold and distant and my perception didn't change after hearing her read from the book. But I do like the beginning:
Life changes fast.
Life changes in an instant.
You sit down to dinner and life as you know it ends.

Have you read these books? Have you found books helpful? Any recommendations?

In weeks to come, we'll talk about other kinds of books, advice to widows, how to books, and others. See you in seven.