My Interview at The Cult of Me

http://thecultofme.blogspot.co.uk/2013/07/guest-author-interview-thelma-zirkelbach.html
Here's a link to The Cult of Me, where I'm interviewed today about Stumbling Through the Dark.  Hope you'll visit.

Thought for the Week: What I did for Love

When I think of a signature song for widows, this is it,  Although it's supposed to be about giving up dancing, the emotions are the same.  It brings tears to my eyes when I listen.

Do you have a song that signifies a transition in your life?

Elijah Brings Me a Gift

Elijah is my new best friend--my new best male friend, and I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm his best friend, too.  You're thinking, "Aha, at last the widow of nearly eight years has a boyfriend."  I do, but he's not what you're thinking.  Elijah is a cat.

He must have belonged to someone at one time because he's been neutered, but now he just hangs out in the neighborhood.   Every now and then he used to stroll over to my house and this happened frequently after my daughter accidentally left some cat food on the patio.  After that, he dropped by more often.

On Passover, near the end of the seder, we poured the traditional cup of wine for Elijah the prophet, who is supposed to visit every Jewish home during the seder and take a sip of wine.  Just as my granddaughter got up to open the door for Elijah, a little gray figure appeared in the doorway.  The cat!  After that, what else could we name him?

Because I'm a softy, I started feeding Elijah and now he knows my schedule.  Every morning he appears at the back door just as I come into the kitchen to feed my two cats and I give him a handful of dry cat food.  Every evening around dinner time he's back again, because that's when Toby, my tuxedo cat, gets a pill mashed up in a spoonful of baby food and Tiki, the tabby, gets a treat.  Elijah waits hopefully at the door until I've fed my cats and then he gets another handout.

Lately, if he's around when I go outside, he rushes over to rub around my legs and meows until I  pet him.  And I guess he decided it was time to show his appreciation in a more memorable fashion. The other day I looked out my window to see him parading across my patio with a  dead squirrel.  A very big dead squirrel. How does one handle an unwanted gift?  What would Miss Manners say? I'm sure Elijah wanted to share this prize with me, but when I saw him...and it..I let out such a shriek that with the squirrel still in his mouth, he ran off. 

I don't know what he did with it, but it wasn't in my yard or my neighbor's and I was certainly relieved.  Perhaps he took it to his second best friend.  Anyway, he hasn't brought me any more gifts and I hope he understands that he doesn't have to repay my charity, just enjoy it.

This picture is not Elijah, but it's as close as I could get on Google images.

Writing Our Lives : Interview with Nikki Meyer, Author of Game for Anything

Today I'm interviewing Nikki Meyer, author of the memoir Game for Anything.

TZ:  First of all, describe your book.

NM:  Game for Anything is my first book, and it covers the first ten years of my life adjusting to life in the bush, first in Botswana, then later in the Kruger National Park, South Africa.  It is a positive, happy book--because that is how I feel about nature.  It also contains a fair amount of humor and a few sad moments because life and nature are like that.

TZ:  What inspired you to write the book?

NM;  I was inspired by Kobie Kruger, Game Ranger's wife and author of Mahlangeni and All Things Wild and Wonderful.  She was a neighbor of mine at one stage in the Kruger Park, and also judged a short story competition that I had entered.  She encouraged me to write a book, and when I suggested that I might not have a story in me, she laughed and told me that all I needed to do was keep a diary and the book would write itself.  She was right, and I was too busy living to take the time to write it all down, and it took another ten years before I finally got around to doing it.

TZ:  Im intrigued by what you were doing before you went to Africa and what made you decide to go.  Your synopsis on Amazon mentions a bet.  Really?

NM:  I have always lived in Africa, but in towns; my dad was a banker.  After two years of studying in Durban, I dropped out and took a job at a hotel which was originally the film set of the movie Shaka Zulu.  It was around that time that an old friend took a bet with me that I would leave that job and go and work with him in Botswana within three months.  I laughed it off, but lost.  I did end up joining him in Botswana, with no telephone contact with my family--cellphones hadn't reached South Africa yet.  Ultimately I think my parents were a lot braver than me.  It was for me a life changing experience, and I have never looked back.

TZ:  What was the hardest part of adjusting to such a radical cultural change?  Did you ever consider giving up?

NM; It was a pretty radical lifestyle change, and yes, even though I am a born and bred South African, a fairly big cultural change.  I think some of the first things I missed--other than my family, of course-- included not being able to get my hands on books, newspapers or magazines and having no radio or television.  I'll admit to wishing for a trip to the hairdresser once in a while, and it really felt odd to go from perpetually wearing high heeled shoes to flatties--I can't explain why it was such a profound change, but to this day I feel like I'm dressing up as someone else.  Probably one of the most difficult adjustments involved understanding the very different relationships involved in a patriarchal society and women in the rural African areas clearly still have great obstacles to overcome--that is, if they want to overcome them--that's often the surprising part.  I am still learning every day, and have another book planned about exactly that.  I can't tell you how often I have applied my way of thinking to situations only to be stunned by how inappropriate some western solutions are to African problems.  Giving up was never an option.  I feel in love with the bush immediately and would have done almost anything to stay.

TZ:  How did you meet your husband?  Did he have any input into the book?

NM:  I met my husband at, of all places, a golf club in northern KwaZulu Natal, at the time I was staying with my parents and desperately trying to get a work permit to return to Botswana, after having had to flee the country because of my illegal status there.  It's quite funny really to think that I was so happy to meet a man who shared my passion for the bush.  Usually it's the other way around--with men living in the bush hoping to find a woman who is "convertible."  He had a lot of input into the book--in that I was married to him for seven of the ten years that I wrote about, and he prodded and nagged me into finally sitting down.  He is my soulmate.

TZ:  What's your favorite part of the book?

NM:  That's a good question, because it's akin to asking me what my favorite part of my life has been.  Can I saw all of it?  I think I enjoy the fact that despite not trying to be funny, people keep telling me how much they laughed when they read the book, because it means that they also see and enjoy the humor in everyday situations.

TZ:  What has been the response to the book?

NM;  The response has been great.  When I first started out, I did a short print run of 500, then a second one of 1000 and it's been selling steadily as an ebook as well.  I've had some fabulous publicity which has really helped, and it's been really satisfying.  People are so genuinely interested that they have gone to the effort of looking me up on Facebook or email and writing to me.  It is great that people I've never met are so enthusiastic about it.  I think though that there is a strong link between people who are passionate about nature, and Africa in particular.  Despite being self-published, Game for Anything has been accepted by a distributor and at the major bookstores in South Africa.  The marketing and distribution company, Blue Weaver, even took it to the London Book Fair.

TZ:  Tell about your writing background.

NM;  I've always loved writing, mostly short articles, press releases and academic essays, and achieved best at it at school, college and university.  I love reading, too.  I think it comes from my mother, who is very articulate and creative--now there's someone who should write a book.  I have been encouraged often by teachers and professors.  My university English professor told me in a note when she retired that every professor has one student that comes along and makes their career worthwhile, and I was hers.  This was high praise indeed, and really encouraged me to take it more seriously.

TZ:  Any advice for writers, particularly memoir writers?

NM:  Probably the most important thing I learned was to show not tell.  I think I was inclined initially to over-explain things instead of leaving my reader to use his or her own imagination.  I was so worried that the reader might not get it, but people  are intelligent and need to have the freedom to draw their own conclusions.  It took some discipline (and courage) to rein this in, and allow people to judge for themselves.  I wish I'd known it right from the start.  I had to go back and do a lot of editing.  Now that I'm halfway through my second book, I feel that it comes naturally and I won't have to do so much editing this time.

TZ:  What's your next writing project?

NM;  I am busy with the sequel to Game for Anything, and am having such fun writing it.

TZ:  Where is your book available?

NM:  It is available on Amazon.com, both as a paperback and an ebook, as well as Amazon in Europe.  In South Africa it's available through most of the major bookstores as well as through Kalahari.net.

Quote for the Week

Service is the rent we pay to be living.  It is the very purpose of life and not something you do in your spare time.
Marion Wright Edelman

My Mission Statement

A group I belong to has discussed the value of writing a personal mission statement.   Here is mine:

To cherish and maintain my relationships with family and friends.  As long as possible, to continue fulfilling work, with the knowledge that I’ve made a difference in children’s lives.  To continue to write, with the goal of expressing myself and inspiring others.  To continue to grow as an individual by learning, participating, giving back.  To take care of my health.  To set an example for my children and grandchildren and others by aging well. To live up to my father's example of honesty, integrity and generosity.

Want to write a mission statement?  Here are some questions to consider:

What would I really like to be and do in my life?
What do I feel are my greatest strengths?
How do I want to be remembered?
Who is the one person who has made the greatest positive impact on my life?
What have been my happiest moments?
If I had unlimited time and resources, what would I do?
What are the three or four most important things to me?
How can I best contribute to the world?

Writing Our Lives: Interview with Deb Levy, Author of Bury the Hot

TZ: First, describe your book.

DL:  Bury the Hot is the true story of a boy who hid from Hitler, but could never escape the memories.  I grew up celebrating the holidays with Sal Wainberg and his family.  I trick-or-treated with his daughter.  He and his wife attended my wedding.  Yet I knew nothing ab out his past until he called out of the blue and asked me to write his story.  There was a reason I didn't know.  He hadn't even told his wife the details of his childhood.  Bury the Hot is the Holocaust story few have the tenacity or courage to share and explores both a traumatized childhood and how the repression it impacts a marriage.

TZ:  This is a story of someone else's life in great detail.  Do you think it's harder to write about someone else than about your own life:  With another person's story, there's some objectivity and emotional distance that I think would be hard to have when you're telling your own story.  What do you think?

DL: Writing about someone else has its challenges as well as its benefits.  On the one hand, I was beholden to Sal's memory and/or willingness to divulge emotions and details.  So I could only write what he was able to tell me, having not (thankfully) shared the experience.  But on the other hand, like you said, there is emotional distance and objectivity.  So perhaps I was able to delve deeper into painful moments that Sal might have if he were working on the memoir himself.  I couled also see, in some cases, a wider view of a situation or history that he may have had living it.  One of the first things Sal said to me when he asked me to write his story was, "Do not create some Hollywood version of my experience.  Do not embellish it for the sake of storytelling.  Do not make me into a hero.  I just want the truth."  So I felt a keen responsibility to honor his request and had somewhat strict parameters.  Also he was so young when the war broke out--he was only 8.  I had to find a way to draw out the details that would allow me to paint a picture for the reader, instead of using the typical journalistic "wh" questions (who, what, when, where) I asked sensory-based questions.  "What color was the sky?"  "What did the air feel like against your skin?"  "What did your shul smell like?"  These are the things that young children notice and these are the memories we carry with us into adulthood

TZ:  Was it difficult to make the decision to write this book?  Or did you agree right away?

DL:  Not at all.  after over half a century of repressing his past, Sal was finally ready to talk and leave his legacy behind.  When he asked me to write his story, I felt like i was given a gift.  I was honored, humbled, surprised that he asked me, and immediately said yes.

TZ:  You knew nothing about this man's background before he told you his story.  Was his family aware of it?  What has been the reaction of people who knew him to the book?

DL:  Sandy, his wife, knew when they got married (in the 60's) that he was a Survivor.  But that's all she knew.  She didn't quite understand what that meant, and at that time, no one talked about it.  There was a desire amongst American Jews to move beyond the past, and Sandy could sense a pain inside Sal that she wanted to protect him from.  It wasn't until 8 years into their marriage that he told her any of the details.  And even then, he left quite a bit out.  After that, they only spoke of the Holocaust a handful of times.  It was like the white elephant in the room of their marriage.  His kids knew he was a Survivor, but didn't know much beyond that.  Their daughter knew I was writing his story, but he didn't want her to read any drafts of the manuscript until it was completely done.  I was worried about her reaction the entire time I wrote the book--how will she feel reading about her father's suffering?  How will she feel reading about her parents' marriage?  How will she feel that I may have learned some of this history before she did?  As it turns out, her reaction brought tears to my eyes.  She said, "I fee like you and I are now related. I somehow absorbed this over 40 years.  But you got it in 1/10th that time.  And now you are my sister.This is why he chose you."  As far as non-family members who have known Sal for years--they have been incredibly touched by his story, and feel as if by gaining insight into his past, they can finally understand who he has been throughout his adult life, and why.

TZ:  What part of the book are you most proud of?

DL:  I'm proud of having written a full-length book.  I've always wanted to write a book and I did it!  I'm proud of how it turned out.  I'm getting rave reviews from readers all over the country and from all religious backgrounds.  But I'm most proud to have added to the preservation of history.  Every day that goes by, we get closer to a time when there will be no one left to give a first-hand account of this horrible and multi-faceted chapter of our human story.  We may think that when it comes to the Holocaust, we've heard it before.  But the truth is, we can never hear enough.  We must listen to those who survived; we must read their personal accounts.  We must recognize that the collective suffering is nothing less than six million and more unique stories of struggle, determination, tradition and fate--every single one of them incredible, all of them heartbreaking.

TZ:  What was the most difficult to write?

DL;  There were certain points of Sal's life that were incredibly difficult to ask him about.  And when our interviews moved past the war and to when he left Poland, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders.  But I don't recall the writing of those moments as being difficult.  Maybe it's because I was so intensely focused on finding a way to get it on paper in an honest and compelling way, that I was weighed down by the process but not by my own emotions.  What I did find difficult was writing about a young boy in peril while raising three boys of my own.  I found myself constantly comparing and contrasting their lives with his, and wondering if my own sons would have survived the horrible things he experienced.  In trying to give my sons a good life, I worried that I was somehow diminishing their ability to stay alive if, God forbid, the world turned upside down.

TZ:  What is your writing background?

DL:  I am an advertising copywriter/creative director, which comes in two varieties--the one who wants to write a screenplay, and the one who wants to write the Great American Novel.  I was the latter.  I've also written articles and essays that have been featured on many parenting websites and in Lilith Magazine.  Bury the Hot is my first book.

TZ:  Any advice for writers, especially non-fiction and memoir writers?

DL:  For any writer, I'd say:  read a lot.  Take your writing seriously, even if you feel no one else does.  Introduce yourself as a writer.  Put writing time on your calendar; put it before all the other distractions that will keep you from doing your job.  For writers of memoir/non-fiction:  when it comes to telling the story, the craft is only half of it.  The hardest part is finding the framework in which to tell the story.  What are the themes that hold it together?  Where do you begin the story?  (It may not be at the beginning.}  From whose point of view will you tell it?  With what voice? (Will it be from a place of reflection and understanding?  Or will the reader have a greater insight into the events of the story than the narrator?  Don't expect to get it right on the first or second draft.  Just get it on paper, and then go back and move things around. Solicit feedback from other writers and from readers whose opinion you respect.  Listen to their critiques with an open mind and with gratitude.

TZ:  What are you working on now?

DL:  I'm working on marking and promoting Bury the Hot :)

TZ:  Where is the book available?

DL.  The book is available on Amazon in both paperback and kindle format.  It's also available on Barnes and Noble.com And I hope that readers will support their local, independent bookstores by asking them to order Bury the Hot and purchasing it there.  Here is the Amazon link
http://www.amazon.com/Bury-Hot-childhood-lifetime-memories/dp/1484068637/ref=sr 1 1?ie=UTF8&qid=1371350808&sr=8 -1keywords=bury+the+hot

TZ:  I hope the above link is okay.  If not I'm sure readers can just go to Amazon and type in the title.

DL:  My website is www.deblevywrites.com