E is for Excuses

The only man who is really free is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse. ~Jules Renard

 Several excuses are always less convincing than one. ~Aldous Huxley, Point Counter Point

 Don't do what you'll have to find an excuse for. ~Proverb

  Bad excuses are worse than none. ~Thomas Fuller

 Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse. ~Thomas Szasz, The Second Sin

  The trouble with always leaving yourself a way out is that you always take it. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com

 Destiny: A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure. ~Ambrose Bierce

 Every vice has its excuse ready. ~Publilius Syrus

 We are all manufacturers — some make good, others make trouble, and still others make excuses. ~Author Unknown

 Your letter of excuses has arrived. I receive the letter but do not admit the excuses except in courtesy, as when a man treads on your toes and begs your pardon — the pardon is granted, but the joint aches, especially if there is a corn upon it. ~Lord Byron

 He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else. ~Benjamin Franklin

  The person who really wants to do something finds a way; the other person finds an excuse. ~Author Unknown

  If God had intended me to make excuses for who I am, He would have given me better excuses. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com

 A man can fail many times, but he isn't a failure until he begins to blame somebody else. ~John Burroughs

 Sometimes I wish I had a terrible childhood, so that at least I'd have an excuse. ~Jimmy Fallon

 A true friend sees past your excuses to the real reason it's not your fault. ~Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com

 Never ruin an apology with an excuse. ~Kimberly Johnson

D is for Quotes about Dental and Dentists

 

 

 

 

 

Be true to your teeth and they won't be false to you. ~Soupy Sales


Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.  ~Johnny Carson


A dentist at work in his vocation always looks down in the mouth.  ~George D. Prentice


If suffering brought wisdom, the dentist’s office would be full of luminous ideas.  ~Mason Cooley

 Too many of today's children have straight teeth and crooked morals.  ~Unknown high school principal


The man with a toothache thinks everyone happy whose teeth are sound.  ~George Bernard Shaw

We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist.  ~Joseph Heller

 My health plan doesn't cover dental, so I enrolled my teeth as 32 dependents, each needing a complete physical once a year.  ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com

 I've been to the dentist several times so I know the drill.  ~Author Unknown


  I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records.  What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?  ~Paul Merton


  

C is for Chicken. Experts Answer the Age-Old Question, :Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?"



Sarah Palin:  The chicken crossed the road because, gosh darn-it, he's a maverick.

Barack Obama.  Let me be perfectly clear.  If the chickens like their eggs, they can keep their eggs.  No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.

John McCain:  My friends, the chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

Hillary Clinton:  What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road?

George W. Bush:  We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road.  We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not.  The chicken is either with us or against us.  There is no middle ground here.

Dick Cheney:  Where's my gun?

Colin Powell:  Now to the left of the screen you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

Bill Clinton:  I did not cross the road with that chicken.

Al Gore:  I invented the chicken

John Kerry:  Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it.  It was the wrong road to cross and I was misled about the chicken's intentions.  I am not for it now and I will remain against it.

Al Sharpton:  Why are all the chickens white?

Dr. Phil:  The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problems on the other side of the road.  What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.

Oprah:  Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross the road so badly.  So instead of having the chicken take falls and learn from his mistakes, which is a part of life, I'm going to give the chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and live his life like the rest of the chickens.

Anderson Cooper:  We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

Nancy Grace:  The chicken cross the road because he is guilty.  You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

Pat Buchanan:  To steal the job of a decent, hard-working American.

Martha Stewart:  No one called to warn me which way the chicken was going.  I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level.  No little bird gave me any insider information.

Dr. Seuss:  Did the chicken cross the road?  Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road but why it crossed I've not been told.

Ernest Hemingway:  To die in the rain, alone.

Jerry Falwell:  Because the chicken was gay.  Can't you people see the plain truth?  That's why they call it the other side.  Yes, my friends, that chicken was gay.  If you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too.  I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out the abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."  That chicken should not be crossing the road.  It's as plain and simple as that.

Grandpa:  In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.  Somebody told us chickens crossed the road and that was good enough for us.

Barbara Walters:  Isn't that interesting?  In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

Aristotle:  It is in the nature of chickens to cross the road.

John Lennon:  Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing the road together, in peace.

Bill Gates:  I have just released eChicken 2014, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs.  file your important documents and balance your checkbook.  Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken 2014.  This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.

Albert Einstein:  Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

Colonel Sanders:  Did I miss one?

B is for Birth Control (You expected something like "beauty," didn't you?).

A crying baby is the best form of birth control. ~Carole Tabron


Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus. ~Bob Rubin


  Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion. ~Spike Milligan, The Last Goon Show of All


Familiarity breeds contempt — and children. ~Mark Twain, Notebooks, 1935


We all worry about the population explosion, but we don't worry about it at the right time. ~Arthur Hoppe


  It is not economical to go to bed early to save the candles if the result is twins. ~Chinese Proverb


 The best contraceptive is a glass of cold water: not before or after, but instead. ~Author Unknown


  A birth control pill for men, that's fair. It makes more sense to take the bullets out of the gun than to wear a bulletproof vest. ~Author Unknown


For birth control, I rely on my personality. ~Milt Abel


My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. ~Joan Rivers


What does a mama bear on the pill have in common with the World Series? No cubs. ~Harry Caray


 

A is for April Fools

Welcome to the A to Z Blogging Challenge.  I love doing this and look forward to April each year.  This year I've decided to do quotations--not about the usual subjects--love, wisdom, etc--but about more off-beat ones.  So A is for April Fools.

 

April 1.  This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.  ~Mark Twain, Pudd'nhead Wilson, 1894


April fool, n.  The March fool with another month added to his folly.  ~Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary


He who is born a fool is never cured.  ~Proverb

 If every fool wore a crown, we should all be kings.  ~Welsh Proverb


I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it. ~Jack Handey


  The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.  ~Will Rogers


A man always blames the woman who fools him. In the same way he blames the door he walks into in the dark.  ~Henry Louis Mencken


A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.  ~Douglas Adams


 

    Could this be real or is it an April Fool?  (I hope it's the latter).

 NY college to offer Miley Cyrus class

Skidmore College, a private liberal arts college in upstate New York, is offering a summer course on Miley Cyrus. Visiting assistant professor Carolyn Chernoff calls the course The Sociology of Miley Cyrus: Race, Class, Gender and Media and says she’ll focus on the 21-year-old performer and all her incarnations as a way to study such topics as gender, race, class, fame and power. She says she got the idea after teaching a course on youth culture that featured a video of Cyrus twerking at the 2013 MTV Video Music Awards. – AP 

Pages:

            

      

 

  

 

 

 

 

        

 

Books of March

The Big Burn by Jeanette Ingold is the fascinating story of the beginning of the U.S. Forest Service, brainchild of Teddy Roosevelt, and how the great Idaho fire of 1910 influenced its growth.  Very interesting although descriptions of burn injuries were a bit hard for me to read,  (I'm a burn survivor). 

The Dog Stars by Peter Heller was a book club selection.  I usually enjoy post-apocalyptic stories but I forced myself through this one because I felt obligated.  My favorite character was the dog.  Does that tell you something?

The English Girl by Daniel Silva was recommended by a friend.  I enjoyed every minute of it.  Although it's part of a series about an Israeli spy-assassin-art restorer (yes, art restorer) and I had never read the preceding books, I had no trouble getting into the story.  Now I want to read all of Silva's books.

Happy reading.

Quote for the Week

"Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad."   Unknown