How quickly the year passes. It's almost holiday time again and for those of us who are widowed, especially recently, the holidays can be the hardest time of all. Thanksgiving was my family's favorite holiday. Ralph always cooked the turkey (I admit I've never cooked a turkey in my life and have no desire to learn how). He also made the dressing, two kinds--one "normal" dressing, one with jalapenos--he was a chili lover. I made everything else. Kids were home. We shared family jokes and made plans for the Annual Christmas Day Movie (a tradition, along with Chinese food in many Jewish homes).
And then comes December, awash with holidays, and often even harder for widows/widowers to deal with. Who will give you that special present, pull you under the mistletoe for a quick kiss, watch the flickering of Chanukah candles, decorate a Christmas tree? It's a lonely time without a spouse to share it with.
So what can you do to alleviate at least some of the loneliness? Maybe during Thanksgiving dinner you can each share a memory of your loved one. After all, your children, if you have them, miss him/her, too. Or if family isn't around, invite some other widowed people to share the holiday. Or start a new holiday tradition, just your own. One of my widowed friends had an open house the year after her husband died so she'd have company to cheer her--she said it worked.
Until my phone system gave out, I kept my husband's voice on the answering machine. For practical reasons, of course. It's safer to have a man answer the phone. But I also kept his message because I like hearing his voice, and every New Year's at midnight I'd call our number so I could share the beginning of a new year with him. Silly, maybe, but it made me less lonely.
Any more suggestions?
Stop by next week for Tip #10 (and remember, there are 11. I also added an addendum when I thought of something new). Take care.
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