Thursday, April 3, 2014

C is for Chicken. Experts Answer the Age-Old Question, :Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?"

Sarah Palin:  The chicken crossed the road because, gosh darn-it, he's a maverick.

Barack Obama.  Let me be perfectly clear.  If the chickens like their eggs, they can keep their eggs.  No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.

John McCain:  My friends, the chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

Hillary Clinton:  What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road?

George W. Bush:  We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road.  We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not.  The chicken is either with us or against us.  There is no middle ground here.

Dick Cheney:  Where's my gun?

Colin Powell:  Now to the left of the screen you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

Bill Clinton:  I did not cross the road with that chicken.

Al Gore:  I invented the chicken

John Kerry:  Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it.  It was the wrong road to cross and I was misled about the chicken's intentions.  I am not for it now and I will remain against it.

Al Sharpton:  Why are all the chickens white?

Dr. Phil:  The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problems on the other side of the road.  What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.

Oprah:  Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross the road so badly.  So instead of having the chicken take falls and learn from his mistakes, which is a part of life, I'm going to give the chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and live his life like the rest of the chickens.

Anderson Cooper:  We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

Nancy Grace:  The chicken cross the road because he is guilty.  You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

Pat Buchanan:  To steal the job of a decent, hard-working American.

Martha Stewart:  No one called to warn me which way the chicken was going.  I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level.  No little bird gave me any insider information.

Dr. Seuss:  Did the chicken cross the road?  Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road but why it crossed I've not been told.

Ernest Hemingway:  To die in the rain, alone.

Jerry Falwell:  Because the chicken was gay.  Can't you people see the plain truth?  That's why they call it the other side.  Yes, my friends, that chicken was gay.  If you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too.  I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out the abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."  That chicken should not be crossing the road.  It's as plain and simple as that.

Grandpa:  In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.  Somebody told us chickens crossed the road and that was good enough for us.

Barbara Walters:  Isn't that interesting?  In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

Aristotle:  It is in the nature of chickens to cross the road.

John Lennon:  Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing the road together, in peace.

Bill Gates:  I have just released eChicken 2014, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs.  file your important documents and balance your checkbook.  Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken 2014.  This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.

Albert Einstein:  Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

Colonel Sanders:  Did I miss one?



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