Holidays can be tough, especially when you're grieving. My husband died in the fall of 2005 so this is my 14th holiday season without him. Along the way I've developed some helpful hints for those who have lost someone dear to them. See especially #9.
Thelma
Zirkelbach’s Top Eleven Rules
For Navigating the
Rough Seas of Widowhood,
Especially During the Holidays
11.` “Put
your own mask on first.” Take care of
yourself. Don’t put yourself at risk for
illness, so don’t skip your check-ups. mammogram, Don’t forget to take your medications. Exercise.
Eat properly.
2.
2. Don’t allow yourself to become the “reclusive
widow.” Women who socialize with other
women friends are among the healthiest females.
If your friends seem to be forgetting you, call them. And don’t forget your furry friends. They can be a great source of comfort.
33. Therapy: If you feel you need it, find a grief group
or seek individual counseling. The
purpose of a grief group should be to help you eventually come to terms with
your loss. If nothing else, use book therapy. There are loads of books on the widowhood
experience, on coping with grief, on advice for widows.
44 You’re
alone, so get a Life Alert button or other type of system that will call 911 in
an emergency and if you don’t have one, be sure to get an alarm system for your
home..
55. Gather
all your important papers together so that when your time comes, your surviving
spouse or children will be able to put their hands on them quickly. You may want to include advanced directives,
will, insurance policies, funeral plans, credit card information, passwords,
safe deposit key, IRA.
66. Have
“The Conversation.” Clarify how you want
your final days to go—palliative care, heroic treatment, hospice,
resuscitation. Do this with your spouse
while you are both alive and healthy.
Include your children and/or anyone else who might be involved in making
decisions for you.
77. You
don’t have to do everything at once.
Some things are urgent—probate, social security, etc. but you don’t have
to write all you thank you notes in one day.
You don’t have to clean out his closet right after he died (I took two
years)
88. Pamper
yourself. Soak in a bubble bath. Read a beach book. Try something new. Make a
bucket list. Think of something you’ve always wanted to do but never had time
for. Do it. Think of something small that will make you
happy or that will memorialize your loved one.
Plant a garden or just one pot; volunteer in an area related to your
spouse’s illness.
99. Holidays
can be difficult. Think about how you
will spend them. Consider spending some
time in which each person at the holiday gathering tells something s/he
remembers about your spouse. If holidays
are painful, start a new holiday tradition.
110. At
the end of the day think of any good things that have happened—a smile from a
stranger, an offer of help from someone you never expected to hear from, a
memory that made you laugh. Tally them
up or write them down.
111. Consider
writing an ethical will or legacy letter.
