Looking Back; Looking forward

I have lived through World War II, the Cold War, Watergate, 9/11 and more, but 2020 has been a year like no other--stressful, terrifying, outrageous, chaotic--There aren't enough words to describe it. Thank goodness it's nearly gone and we can hope for better in 2021.

Favorite books:  Where the Crawdads Sing, Hidden Valley Road, Fur and Purr, Nearing Ninety and Other Comedies of Late Life.

Favorite movie:  It's been so long since I've been to a movie theater that I can hardly remember what it's like.  Movies and series this year on Amazon Prime:  Movie--Just Mercy.  Series--The Americans, Hunters.

Favorite TV show:  Love it or List it on HGTV

Best thing that happened this year:  Discovering Zoom--where would we be without it?

Sports:  Bad news for every professional sports team in Houston--the Astros' scandal, the Texans' awful start and the trading of D'Andre Hopkins, unrest among the Rockets.  Only sports story I enjoyed was Naomi Osaka winning the US. Open Tennis Tournament.

Best present:  My son and daughter-in-law gave me a subscription to Netflix.  Now I can watch The Crown.

To everyone--hope for a better year ahead!

        

,

Surviving the Dark

Tomorrow, December21, is the winter solstice, the shortest, darkest day of the year.  In ancient times, people built fires to drive away the darkness.  Religious holidays, with Christmas tree lights and candles on Chanukah menorahs, bring us light in these dark days.  We remember the Star of Bethlehem that shone in the night sky.

2020 has been the darkest year most of  have lived through--fears of the pandemic, a chaotic election, protests on the streets, lost jobs, food insecurity (which seems to be the current euphemism for hunger), curtailed or canceled visits with family and friends.  In an article posted on CNN poet Jay Parini speaks of all these events and quotes from "Snowbound: A Winter Idyll" by John Greenleaf Whittier:

         The snow that brief December day

      Rose cheerless over hills of gray 

        And, darkly circled, gave at noon,   

     A sadder light than waning moon.

        Slow tracing down the thickening sky

In mute and ominous prophecy.

   A portent seeming less than threat,

It sank from sight before it set.

But the snowbound family spent the dark day gathered together.

Shut in from all the world without

We sat the clean-winged hearth about.

They passed the time in sharing memories and telling stories.  Parini points out that today Zoom and Facetime are our hearths.  He notes that we, too, can trade stories, relive memories and even share our fantasies about what we're going to do when the pandemic is over.

And he adds a closing note of hope:  Vaccines are coming.  Eventually life will return to normal.  Or a new normal.   Even on the darkest day we can look forward to light .He quotes poet Theodor Roethke who wrote,"In a dark time, the eye begins to see."

 Another article I read quotes lines from the carol "Oh, Holy Night:"

A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices

For yonder wakes a new and glorious morn.

Even in this "winter of our discontent" we can glimpse light ahead.  We just have to wait.

 

    

The Sweetest Holiday Story

A guy names Bob May, depressed and broken-hearted, stared out his drafty apartment window into the chilly December night. His four year-old daughter Barbara sat on his lap, quietly sobbing.  Bob's wife Evelyn was dying of cancer. Little Barbara couldn't understand why her mommy could not come home. Barbara looked up into her dad's eyes and asked, "Why isn't Mommy just like everybody else's mommy?" Bob's jaw tightened and his eyes were wet with tears. Her question brought waves of grief but also of anger.

It was the story of Bob's life. Life had always been different for Bob. Being small when he was little, Bob was often bullied by other boys. He was too little at the time to compete in sports. He was called names he'd rather not remember.

From childhood, Bob was different and never seemed to fit in. Bob did complete college and married his loving wife and was grateful to get his job as a copywriter for Montgomery Ward during the Great Depression. Then he was blessed with his little girl. But his happiness was short-lived. Evelyn's bout with cancer stripped them of their savings and now Bob and his daughter went to live in a two-room apartment in the Chicago slums. Evelyn died just before Christmas in 1938.

Bob strugged to give hope to his child for whom he couldn't even afford to buy a Christmas gift. But if he couldn't buy a gift, he was determined to make her one--a storybook.

Bob had created animal characters in his own mind and told the animal's story to little Barbara to give her comfort and hope.  Again and again, Bob told the story, embellishing it with each telling.  Who was the character?  What was the story about?

The story Bob created was his own autobiography in fable form. The character he created was an outcast like he was. The name of the character?  A little reindeer named Rudolph with a red nose.

Bob finished the book just in time to give it to his little girl on Christmas Day.

But the story doesn't end there. The general manager of Montgomery Ward caught wind of the little book and offered Bob May a nominal fee to print the book and distribute it to children visiting Santa Claus in their stores. By 1946 Wards had printed and distributed more than six million copies of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. The same year a major publisher wanted to purchase the rights from Wards to print an updated version of the book. In an unprecedented gesture of kindness, the CEO of Wards returned all the rights to Bob.

The book became a best seller.  Many toy and marketing deals followed and Bob May, now remarried with a growing family, became wealthy from the story he created for his daughter.

But the story doesn't end there. Bob's brother-in-law, Johnny Marks, made a song adaptation of Rudolph.  Though the song was turned down by such popular vocalists as Bing Crosby and Dinah Shore, it was recorded by Gene Autrey. "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" was released in 1948 and became a phenomenal success, selling more records than any other Christmas song, with the exception of "White Christmas." The gift of love that Bob May created for his daughter so long ago kept on returning to bless him again and again. And Bob May learned the lesson, just like Rudolph, that being different isn't so bad.  In fact, being different can be a blessing.

 

Books of November

 I have only one book to add this month.  The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue.  On the day she is about to enter an unwanted marriage, Adeline makes a pact with the devil:  she can be free to live as she chooses as long as she chooses, but no one will remember her.  I liked the story and the writing style.  If you want something completely different, check this one out.

quotes for the week:

 Friendship

In Honor of my Zoom Sisters

A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter;  he that has found one has found a treasure.

                  From the Apocrypha

Friends are the family we choose for ourselves.

                Edna Buchanan

A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature.

               Ralph Waldo Emerson

A friend is someone who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.

              Walter Winchell

Thanksgiving 2020

This year, with the pandemic surging around us, unemployment, hunger, a chaotic election, social unrest, hurricanes, forest fires...what can we be thankful for?

I'm thankful for my family's love and support.

I'm thankful for our health and safety.

I'm thankful for friends, even though some live far away.

I'm thankful for living at Brazos Towers, a caring and friendly community.

I'm thankful for my Zoom sisters, who meet regularly to support one another, chat and share news and views.

Those are the big things, but there are lots of little things I'm thankful for, too:

My cat's comforting purr when she cuddles up next to me.

The inspiration I've gained from writing classes.

The morning paper.

Ice cream.

Seeing the night sky from my living room window.

And, of course, the Internet and Zoom,

To everyone, Happy Thanksgiving!  Stay safe.

Books of October

 I read quite a bit in October, but it was not a good reading month.  See below.

The Book of Two Ways by Jodi Picault. I am adding her name to list of authors I will never read again.  This was a strange book.  After surviving a plane crash, a woman travels to Egypt to re-connect with her first love.  Never mind that she has a husband and daughter and a supposedly happy marriage in Boston.  If you long to know everything there is to know about Egyptology, pointillism, the work of a death doula, then this is the book for you.  I believe the author's son is doing graduate work in Egyptology.  She might have been better off helping him write his thesis.  By the way, the ending of this book is really disappointing.

The Vanishing Half.  This book has been on the best seller list for a long time so I decided to read it.  It's the story of twin sisters who are light-skinned Blacks from a town where all the Blacks are light-skinned.  They run away from home and their lives diverge.  One marries an abusive Black man and one passes for White.  Various subplots intrude on the story and the ending is so weak, I thought my Kindle had left out some pages.

How to Be an Anti-Racist.  Interesting book about not only how to be anti-racist, but about differences among Black people in terms of caste, gender, color, etc.

Cartoon for the Week

 

No Matter Who You Voted For, All Women Should Appreciate This Quote:

"Grateful to Kamala Harris for redefining what an American Vice President looks like and for getting there is a pair of converse instead of pretending it's sensible to spend all day in high heels."

Harris County Judge Lina Hidalgo

                        

ELECTION DAY!

 

Survey:

Will you

Stay up all night to watch the returns?

Stay up until the Texas returns are in?

Stay up until the Florida returns are in?

Watch a movie on Netflix?

Don't Forget To Vote: Ten quotes

 

quote for the week: The Machines (from the Widows' Handbook)

The Machines

by Jacqueline Kudler

First the grill ignition failed, 

then, not ten days later and

two months after you died,

the fridge condense went

but slowly--

for days I watched

the glacier crawling down

along the back wall.

It wasn't too much longer

before the timers in the double

 oven and the freezer

quit, as if some universal

clock had simply stopped

somewhere, all dials fixed

at midnight.

By his fourth call,

the National Appliance guy

opined he'd never witnessed 

such a run of luck--

everything breaking down

like that around me.

He hoped (with eyes 

accustomed to assessing

hairline cracks and fissures)

that I was holding up OK.

I told him how my days,

amazingly enough, go well.

I wake, bathe, lunch with

friends, call the kids,

and at night when I sit

down at the table, I light

a candle at your place.

Oh, I'm doing well

enough, I said,

but given their histories,

the nature of their finely

wired dispositions,

I wouldn't presume 

to speak

for the machines.

 

Another Poem from The Widows' Handbook--this one by Regina Murray Brault

The Sisterhood

Words travel fast on Widows' Row.

They say

another casserole to bake

another wake to walk through.

It is our rite

to pray for him who lies at rest

in his best suit--

something he would not allow himself

until today.

We'll drink a toast to him

who won't be home for her beef stew

although she'll set the place

and call his name.

We are the sisterhood of silence

who won't remind her

that we who must give life

are taught 

to wear our emptied wombs

as though they were blue ribbons

from the county fair

and we who are dealt death 

are taught 

to plug our hollowed hearts

with homemade carrot cakes

while burying our men as we

do iris bulbs in gardens.

Instead, those of us who call it basic black

and crowd the back pews of the church

will watch and wait

 while others tell her

time will heal all wounds.

The words our tongues find hard to form

for each of us has learned

in turn

that there are secrets

 widows keep.

 

On My Own

 I have been a widow for fifteen years and two days but life has gone on.  A different life, to be sure, filled with memories, joys and sorrows.

Below is a poem I wrote a few years after my husband died.  It was published in The Widows' Handbook:

On My Own

On my own   

I have had

A leaky roof,

A flooded bathroom,

A water heater leaking gas,

A crashed hard drive,

Thousands of dollars in medical bills,

A lawsuit over business assets,

Debts to you, your friend refused to pay,

Squirrels in the attic,

A possum in the bathroom, 

A broken nose,

A hysterectomy,

Carpal tunnel surgery,

Cataract surgery,

Vertigo, 

And a hornet sting.

A new cat,

The garage restored,

The house repainted,

A garden planted,

Articles in anthologies,

A new book published,

A trip to France,

Visits to the Alhambra,

Troy and Gallipoli,

My picture on a calendar,

A blog with over fifty followers,

A date,

My hair grown longer,

My hair cut shorter,

And my seventy-fifth birthday.

There have been

Spring meadows sprinkled with bluebonnets,

Summer afternoons dazzled by heat,

Autumn doorbells rung by trick-or-treaters,

Winter twilights, hazy and dim--

And all without you;

Yet I still  go on

And on.

quotes for the week: fall

 

Book of September

Didn't read much in September...or rather, didn't finish much.  I'm reading several long non-fictioon books but I took a breakto read JoJoMoyes" One Plus One.  A great "guilty pleasure" book about a family facing poverty and their interactions with a rich man with a secret.  Fun read.

quote for the week: If by Rudyard KIpling

 If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you

But make allowances for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,

Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,

And yet don't look too good or talk too wise,

If you can dream and not make dreams your master;

If you can think and not make thoughts your ain,

If you can meet with triumph and disaster

And treat those two imposters just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you can your life to broken,

And stoop and build them up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch and toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings,

And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them, "Hold on."

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue

And walk with kings nor lose the common touch;

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but not too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,

And what is more, you'll be a Man, my son.

Remembering RBG

We owe so much to Ruth Bader Ginsburg.  I spent the last week remembering how much she changed my life.  Soon after I was divorced, I was shopping at Dillards and remarked to the clerk that I was no longer the Mrs....that was listed on my credit card.  She was horrified and so was I when I found how difficult it was to get a card in my own name.  

When my automobile insurance came due, my agent informed me that the present company was dropping me because "divorced women have more accidents."  I got a policy with a different company and the next year I got a different agent.

When a fellow speech-pathologist and I opened our private practice in 1975, we could not set up a bank account unless our husbands signed for it.  

Imagine any of those incidents happening today.  We owe much of our success as women to RBG's influence.

The year after my second husband died, I submitted a poem to a forthcoming book entitled The Widows' Handbook. I was delighted when it was accepted and both amazed and thrilled when I got my author's copy and read the forward written by none other than Ruth Bader Ginsburg.  A widow herself, she took the time from her extremely busy life to write about her own widowhood and her compassion for those of us who had lost our spouses.

In my heart, there will always be a vacant chair in the Supreme Court in memory of Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

Here is part of a poem that fits her perfectly.  It's called The Dissenter's Hope:

Never surrender the fight for today

And never give up the dream of a better tomorrow

For this is the dissenter's hope

That one day,

Some enlightened day in the future,

When truth is given full voice

Justice will win the majority

And the bell of freedom will ring

With new clarity.

quote for the week: Remembering Those We Lost

 This is the time of the year for remembering loved ones who are no longer with us.  Below is my favorite poem about remembering:

In the rising of the sun and in its going down, we remember them.

In the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter, we remember them.

In the opening of the buds and in the rebirth of spring, we remember them.

In the blueness of the sky and in the warmth of summer, we remember them.

In the rustling of the leaves and in the beauty of auturmn, we remember them.

In the beginning of the year and when it ends we remember them.

When we are weary and in need of strength, we remember them.

When we are lost and sick at heart, we remember them.

When we have joys we yearn to share, we remember them.

So long as we live, they too shall live, for they are a part of us, as we remember them.

What the Pandemic Hasn't Taken Away

 What's the old saying?  "May you live in interesting times."  That's certainly true for 2020.  We've had a pandemic, social unrest, unemployment, a downturn in the economy, a hotly and often nastily contested election, wildfires, hurricanes, and this week the death of an icon--Ruth Bader Ginsburg. 

Yesterday during his sermon for Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, our rabbi spoke of the  losses the pandemic has inflicted on us and added that one thing we haven't lost is hope.  We still have hope for the future, one that may be different from our lives before COVID, but hope nevertheless.

I would add that there are other things the pandemic hasn't robbed us of--love, compassion, forgiveness, memory and legacy.

We still cherish those we love--our families, friends, neighbors--and even though we may not be able to see them in person, even if we may not be able to touch or hug them--that love hasn't disappeared.  It comes across however we interact--by phone or email or Zoom or even through a window.  That love helps us through these times.

We can still feel compassion for others--those who have lost someone to COVID or are suffering from it themselves, those who are lonely or confused or without work that once sustained them.  If we are able, we can donate to organizations that alleviate their suffering.

Next week in the Jewish calendar is the Day of Atonement on which we ask forgiveness for wrongs we have done in the past year,, but I think it's even more important to forgive others.  Holding a grudge is painful and unhealthy.  Someone may have hurt you unintentionally or on purpose.  Let it go.  Life is easier that way for both of you.

No matter what's happening around us, we still have our memories that we can cherish.  Often they remind us that what's going on around us isn't forever.  We can look back on other times in our lives and remember that we survived the painful times  For me, the most painful time, literally, was when I was 19 and caught fire from a gas heater.  I remind myself that if I could have survived that, I can deal with anything.

And we have our values that we can pass on to those who come after us.  I give workshops on writing legacy letters, to encourage people to share their values, their wisdom, their experiences, and their life stories.  What better gift can you give?

I encourage you to keep in mind all the pandemic hasn't taken away and be grateful for the things we cannot lose,.

Answers to Double Jeopardy questions and Books of August

 Double Jeopardy answers:

$400 Who was Billy the Kid?

$800 Who is Big Ben?

$1200 Who is Warren Buffett?

$1600 What is Easter Seals?

$2000 What is itching?

Books of August:

My Dark Vanessa.  Dark story of a teenager lured into a relationship with her teacher. Even as an adult, she believes it was a love affair.  C+

Pull of the Stars.  I read this because Emma Donaghue is one of my favorite authors.  Interesting story from the viewpoint of a nurse who is caring for pregnant women who have the flu during the flu pandemic during WWI.  

The Last Flight.  Two strangers who meet in an airport and who are both fleeing from dangerous lives exchange tickets.  One of the plane crashes.  I enjoyed this one.

Double Jeopardy + answers to last week's Jeopardy questions

 Answers to Jeopardy round questions::

$200 What are sedimentary rocks?

$400 Who were Lewis and Clark?

$600 What was "Cheers?"

$800 What is "Nightmare on Elm Street?"

$1000What are fly swatters?

And now, the Double Jeopardy cluesCa

Amount            Category             Clue

$400                Notorious        This young outlaw escaped from a New Mexico jail on April 28. 1881; a                                                  bullet ended his run on July 14, of that year.

$800               NFL Quarterbacks    This Pittsburgh quarterback Roethlisberger is aka this, like the bell                                                            of a famous clock.

$1200             Ivy League Alumni    This "Oracle of Omaha" went to the University of Nebraska but for                                                            business school attended Columbia.

$1600            Good Causes             The National Society for Crippled Children was later renamed after                                                             its famous stamp that bears a lily.

$2000          Mint Condition           Mint is good if you live around lots of mosquitoes as it is an                                                                     antiipriticitiic, meaning it relieves this.

Answers next week, along with Books of August

        

quotes for the week: hurricanes

 

When all is said and done, the weather and love are the two elements which we can never be sure of.   Alice Hoffman

I love whenever they downgrade a hurricane to a tropical depression because I always think of a tropical depression as how I feel three songs into a Jimmy Buffet concert.  Andy Kindler

Hurricane season brings a troubling reminder that despite our technologies, most of nature remains unpredictable.  Diane Ackerman

On cable TV they have a weather channel--24 hours of weather.  We had something like that where I grew up.  It was called a window.  Dan Spencer

You can't get mad about the weather because it's not about you. Apply that to other aspects of life.  Douglas Coupland

Be prepared!  Stay safe!

This is Jeopardy

 

I love Jeopardy.  Every year I buy a 365 day Jeopardy calendar and keep count of all the items I get right with the goal of reaching $200,000 a year.  (Sundays, which don't list an amount for the day, I figure are worth $800).  So far this year I have earned $142,000.  

Here are some Jeopardy clues.  Remember, your answer must be in the form of a question.  Answers next week.  Do Not Google to find out the answers.

Category         Clue                                                                                                                   Amount

Geology         This class of rocks is formed in part from layers of dead plants and animals.  $200

Diaries            The journsl of their 1803-1806 expedition mention sacagawea, not always    $400

                        always by name and not always spelled the same.$

Final expsode  The last words of this NBC sitcom in 2993:  "Sorry, we're closerd."               $600

Horror films     In this 1984 Wes Craven classic, a girl warns her boyfriend, played by

                         Johnny Depp, "Whatever you do, don't fall asleep."                                        $800

American Inventions  In 1906 Frank Rose made these pest killers by attaching squares

                                   of window screens to yardsticks.                                                           $1000

Are Face Masks the New Fashion Statement?

 Every women's clothing catalog I find in my mailbox is advertising face masks--solid colors, animal prints, abstract designs, Disney character masks for the kid in your life, the ocean (see above), the sky, plants, flowers, anything you can think of.  Friends of mine are making masks.  You can make your own.

My first mask had a flowery design on  a lovely purple background. A church in S. Carolina made masks and sent them to our senior living building.  I wore it every time I left my apartment for weeks, until I realized the pandemic might go on and on, so I decided I needed a change.  I bought a bamboo mask that was advertised as pink but looks more coral.  It's very soft and comfortable.  My sister-in-law, who owns a cloth diaper company sent me two masks made by her company one with Saturn in the night sky and one with kittens.  Then I branched out and bought some more.  One came from a company that advertised masks with famous art designs.  Mine is Starry Night.  I also added a black and white mask to my wardrobe, .

 Why not have a mask for every outfit?  They're much less expensive than clothes; you don't have to bother with make up, not even lipstick.  People compliment you if your mask is especially attractive.  Of course, it's hard to recognize people when 2/3 of their faces are covered and masks aren't especially comfortable, but I figured, why not enjoy them since you can help stop the spread of COVID and be fashionable at the same time?

Romance in the Time of Pandemic

 Here's one of my books from my days as a romance writer.  Here's a quote that reminds me of those days.  It's not really a quote per se--it's one of those sayings that floats around the Internet to make you laugh:

Romance novels during COVID 19 will be, like

"And then she slipped her mark down, revealing her warm red lips and her blushed face, and then, as their eyes met, he gently removed her gloves."

Mah Jongg Versus Life

 When I retired in 2018, I began playing Mah Jongg.  I had played sporadically since I was a child, but now I joined a group that played every Tuesday.  I copied this piece from Mah Jongg Mentor's website.  The author is unknown.

In Mah Jongg, as in Life, we start with a set number of random tiles.  They line up on the rack before us, like DNA sequences and chance circumstances.  We begin to make sense of the randomness, to arrange bams together or notice number sequences.  We make sense of what we've been given to start with.  We form our core "identity" and try to make sense of it.

There is in Mah Jongg, as in Life, an element of destiny or inevitability.  Some might call it Fate.  Some people are born with more "Jokers"--more good fortune, if you will--than others.  Some people have an obvious life path, based on given talent or proclivity.

But in Mah Jongg, as in Life, we have free will.  From the tiles before us we have a choice as to which "hand" to play, which 
"path" to take.  There are often several possible directions open to us.  The decisions we make early on affect the direction our hand will take.  The skill we bring to the play once that path is chosen affects our outcome as well.  So Life, as in Mah Jongg, is a combination of chance, choice and skill.

The beauty of Mah Jongg and Life is that even with the worst opening set of tiles, there are several directions open to us. But with practice and hard-won wisdom of many games played (read "years lived") we get better at spotting the best choices to make, the most optimal paths to follow given what we have to work with.  Even the tiles themselves, with their lovely imagery, speak of Life to me.  The "winds" of change the "dragons" we must slay, the "flowers" we cling to, grace notes and moments of beauty, the circle of "dots"  of Life itself and the "cracks" we sometimes fall into.

Like Life, Mah Jongg is never "fair." The random distribution of tiles favors one player over the other.  Some are gifted from the very outset with clear patterns, the blessings of numerous jokers making their game much easier, the chance of winning much higher. But again, as in Life, skill and judgement, patience and effort, can allow even the most mediocre of initial hands to prevail, just as with carelessness, lack of focus or poor decision-making, the best initial hands can fail.

 

There

Books of July

• The Order.  Each summer I wait expectantly for Daniel's Silva's new Gabriel Allon book.  I watched an interview with Silva on Zoom and found it very interesting.  This book was slow to get started with a lot of background.  It did pick up around the middle but it was not his best.  The story begins when Gabriel and his family are on vacation in Venice.  The pope dies and his private secretary suspects foul play.  And of course, Gabriel comes to the rescue.

quote for the week

In Blackwater Woods

by Mary Oliver

Look, the trees

are turning

their own bodies

into pillars

of light,

are giving off the rich

fragrance of cinnamon

and fulfillment,

the long tapers

of cattails

are bursting and floating away over

the blue shoulders

of the ponds, 

and every pond, 

no matter what its

name is, is

nameless now.

Every year

everything

I have ever learned

in my lifetime

leads back to this:  the fires

and the black river of loss

whose other side

is salvation,

whose meaning

none of us will ever know.

To live in this world

you must be able 

to do three things:

to love what is mortal

to hold it

against your bones, knowing

your own life depends on it,

and, when the time comes to let it

go,

to let it go.

Baseball is Back...Or is it?

I have been a baseball fan ever since I was a little kid, so I could hardly wait for the Astros' opening night game on Friday.  I have recovered from my shock at the sign stealing scandal.  Instead, I like to remember how the Astros brought Houston so much joy after Hurricane Harvey.

I tuned in just as the team took the field so I don't know if the Star Spangled Banner was played or who threw out the first pitch.  It must have been a great night because they won, but I fell asleep after the third inning.  Was it the cardboard fans in the Crawford boxes, the piped-in cheers, or have I outgrown baseball?  No, no and no; I was just sleepy.  Being locked down drains your energy.

The Chronicle sports columnists mourned the lack of fans.  Jerome Solomon's headline was "An Empty Feeling."  He said, "No cheap hot dogs, no fireworks, no hugs, no handshakes, no happiness."  And I would add, "No spitting."

Brian Smith's column was titled, "Back, But Not Really With Us."  "Fake sports," he wrote.

There will be other games, 59 of them, and maybe another World Series.  I'll try to stay awake for the rest of the season.

quotes for the week: change

This week's quotes are about change...and aren't we all longing for a change for the better?

The need for change bulldozed a road

down the center of my mind.

Maya Angelou

Noneof us knows what the next change is going to be,

what unexpected opportunity is just around the corner,

waiting to change all the tenor of our lives. 

Kathleen Thompson Norris

Change is the process by which the future invades our lives.

Alvin Toffler

My Windows

Through my bedroom window, sunlight pricks my eyelids and wakes me each morning. Until the virus attacked us, the window was just a pane of glass.  Now it's a link to the world, a tenuous one at that, but still a connection.

My window affords me three views of the world that's inching along without me.  If I look down, I can see the black-shingled roofs of the apartment complex next door.  If I lean my forehead against the window and look left, I can see the edge of the nearby bayou. and recall the year when Hurricane Harvey slammed into Houston.  Water rushed over the banks, turned streets into rivers and covered lawns with water that reeked of sewage and forced its way into houses where it demolished furniture, drenched books and destroyed treasured mementos, leaving Houston in a soggy mess.

If I look straight ahead, I can see the buildings of the Texas Medical Center the largest medical complex in the world.  Hospital beds are scarce now, with virus cases roaring through Texas.  

To the right I see NRG stadium where the hapless Texans play football and, predictably, deny Houston's yearly dreams of a Super Bowl appearance.  To the left are buildings surrounding the Galleria where I could shop or browse in pre-COVID days that seem so long ago.

Upward is the sky hazy gray pale blue or on some days obscured by threatening black clouds that I hope don't portend another hurricane.  At dusk I watch the city's light blink on, and I imagine lives going on in other buildings. Are people there happy, hopeful, afraid?  How has the virus changed their lives?

I prefer to look up at night when stars sprinkle the sky and the endless view reminds me how small Earth is--a pale blue dot in a limitless universe.  How small our troubles seem when I gave skyward.

On summer nights when I was a child, my cousin and I would sit on the sidewalk when the heat wore off and fireflies twinkled on the lawn behind us.  We would watch for Venus, the evening star, and make a wish.  I don't remember what I wished for, perhaps to win at jacks or hopscotch the next day, but those nighttime memories remain, along with the scent of newly cut grass, the rough bark of the willow tree I loved to climb, the slap of water against my skin as I ran through the sprinkler.  Then, summer days wer endless,  hot and sweet.

I have another window to the outside world--technology.  I love the little windows on Zoom, where a group of friends meets every afternoon at 4:00 to share what's going on in our lives.  Not much these days but it's a joy to see faces we can't see in person.  Last week we shared a virtual toast to better days ahead.

Zoom gives me the pleasure of listening to lectures or concerts.  I've hosted a birthday party, visited my children on Mother's Day taught a course in writing legacy letters for the nearby YMCA and had a telemedicine appointment for my annual checkup.  Last year I'd never heard of Zoom.  Today those tiny windows are a connection to the world.

Robin Williams said, "There's a world out there.  Open a window and it's there." Tragically, he closed his window too soon, but he left us a mantra a guide us through these difficult times. 

quote for the week

To believe that we can and must hide the parts of us that are broken, out of fear that others are incapable of loving the parts of us that we cannot love ourselves, is to believe that sunshine is incapable of entering a broken window and warming an empty room.

quarantine video

Books of June

You'd think I'd be reading more during this lockdown but I'm spending more time writing and watching movies, so here are the books I read last month.

When We Believed in Mermaids.  A woman sees her supposedly long-dead sister on TV and sets out to find her.  Will she be successful?  Will she find love at last?  Of course everything will turn out exactly right.  I'd give it a B+ but an okay read,

The Hideaway.  Nora Roberts used to be my favorite romance writer.  Now not so much.  Especially not so much for this book.  Supposedly a romantic suspense, it's neither romantic except for 2 or 3 pages, same for suspense.  It could have been better if it were half as long.  Much of it was padding to get to 400+ pages.  This will be my last Nora Roberts book.  (Can you tell I didn't like it?)

If you want to listen to a perfect parody of For the Longest Time, originally a Billy Joel song, check out YouTube for Longest Time quarantine edition.  It's exactly right for our current situation.  I tried and tried to copy the URL but couldn't.  Anyway, look it up.  You'll love it.  If you listen to it, leave a comment.